Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Country of Jesus

Last night I came home from a very long hard grueling day. No commas in there. Run it together and get tired so you know how I felt.

As I entered the house, I was bombarded by a herd of dogs and one teenager.

"Mom, let's practice jujitsu!"


"Ok. Let me change my clothes."

A few minutes later the kid and I were practicing our ninja skills. She was mostly practicing and I was forced to be the ninja bad guy. For those of you who don't know, the ninja bad guy gets beat up all the time and punished by the seemingly victim student.

Yeah. It was a gas.

"Mom, isn't this great? I am getting faster."

"You need to go half the force, Missy. Otherwise I am going to go hit for hit."

[giggles from the princess]

Photo credit: Pinterest

"Mom, I didn't want to hurt you before, but now that your neck feels better I am going full on ninja."

"Yeah. And if you do that, your mom is going to end up at square one. I am not released for full on ninja yet. When it happens, you will get papers. Besides, Eric told you not to do that and if he taught you these skills, you needed to be careful and wise."

"Yeah, Mom. He told me not to use them at school. He said nothing about using them at home or on my mom."

"Eric and I are going to have a coming to Jesus meeting."

"Mom, you can't mix ninja and Jesus. They are from two different countries."


Monday, February 23, 2015

Oscar The Grouch

A night of the Oscars. As a kid and young adult, I used to enjoy watching them. The glamour and the great films would leave me awestruck. Believe it or not, I was really into fashion watching in college and enjoyed in anticipation of the new fashions striking the red carpet and Hollywood gossip which accompanied it. I got over it.

Now, the Oscars and other awards shows strike me as a joke. Even though I will hail the many great actors and actresses, musicians, and the like- they have lost their class. The acceptance speeches are rants or an opportunity to make a political statement which takes away from honoring the motion picture industry. If this is truly the free platform Hollywood wishes to embrace, they could go buy themselves a cause. I will not partake in the shenanigans. Thank you, God, you put The Walking Dead and Downton Abbey right smack at the same prime time.

Boo hiss to the platformers, which is my new coin phrase going out to the Hollywood actors and actresses who want to use family time and awards for their agenda. Hooray for The Walking Dead. What plot twist can we have now? Will Judith grow up?

My morning madness started with dogs and toy carnage, hot coffee, and news. It was all wonderful except the death of yet another duct taped dog toy and the news. The news I find is less informative a the days go on. Is it all sensational spin and propaganda garbage? I'm beginning to enjoy the b.s. segments of food ideas for families.

And what about ISIS claiming to target Mall Of America? Pshaw. DO NOT MESS WITH SHOPPING WOMEN! Gah. Do they announce it, to set up a decoy? Warn the masses to effect commerce? Whatever. I am disgusted we have not come down on them with wrath. That is all. Truly disappointed, I am. I especially like the theory of giving them jobs to cure their violence. Wow. Brilliance in the making that one idea is.

Photo Credit: Facebook Friend JL
In non-terrorist news...Bug and I have vows for Lent...I am going to work on my f bombs and being a better mother with more loves and she vowed to be nice to me and do her chores without whining and to cool the tantrums. You see where this is headed. If you do it for 40 days, it becomes habit, right? The first day...I muttered under my breath.."eff that"...when I was watching a news piece of our lack of action on terrorism. I didn't think it counted because I didn't actually use the words. Bug said I needed to find a better substitute like "popcorn" or "nuts" or "rats." Bug said, "Mom, you have already ruined 'Lint' in one day."

Photo credit: the containerstore.com

Needless to say, part of being a good mother is to teach better church practices pertaining to an important sacrifice and lead by example. We need some Lent lessons. I also need to lint roll my pants. 

Physical therapy showed great strides in my neck mobility. I actually feel like a new human being. My therapist was quite pleased with the progress. After therapy is all over, I have been instructed to continue deep tissue massages and my at home exercises along with weight lifting and strength training. I start the sessions of proper lifting and strength training on Wednesday. I'm kind of excited about this. I must prepare to wear the proper pants for bending and no heels. 

Friday, February 20, 2015

Appointments Only No Walkens

If Murphy's escapades with my eucalyptus lotion were not enough last night....it got worse. This morning at 4:30, yes-that is AM EST, proved to be like any other. The dogs needed to pee, poop, and eat. Check. Check. I had my morning two cups of rocket fuel. Usually I have a whole pot, but I am saving those for Saturday and Sunday. Weekdays I am down to two a day. WOW! That is an accomplishment.

After downing my news and coffee, I trotted upstairs to take a shower. When I got out of the shower, Murphy jumped in and jumped out and sat there wagging his tail. He seemed to be in a good mood and quite active. He is not a morning person. Dragging him out of bed is like taking on a sloth. So, needless to say, this was odd. It usually takes him an hour to get busy.

Once I donned my towels (yes, I am a girl-one for the hair and one for the bod), I went downstairs. Murphy was on high speed, low drag and slid down them on his belly. Strange. He usually doesn't do the belly slides until evening. He was full of piss and vinegar.


Photo credit: Pinterest

He plopped down on his dog bed and he was surrounded by glue sticks and packaging. While I stared at him in disbelief, he grabbed a glue stick and ate it. I screamed, dropped the towels and wrestled with him while naked. It's a good thing the blinds were down or the neighbors would have had a horror show. He ate most of one stick of glue before I could get it out of his mouth. I have no idea how many he consumed before I caught him.

As I picked up the remaining glue sticks which were strewn all over the house, I was cursing *#&$)#*&$)@($ under my breath that the next butt explosion was going to be Bug's job. Well, that was a fantasy I was having, anyway. And who could get really mad at this face after all that?
Murphy aka Meatball aka Chaos

I fondly call him Meatball because he is solidly stocky and packed in a small punch. I think I might change it to Chaos.
Photo credit: Pinterest

I have never had a dog eat glue sticks. I hope it does not cause any major problems or glue his butthole shut.

In other non-related news, I am feeling like a new person this week because of the deep tissue massages and neck traction. It is amazing what a body can do when it feels good. It also contributed to my attitude. I didn't realize how much I had restricted myself to and how much I had slowed down because of the pain. Once you get used to constant pain, you forget what it was like to feel good and be active.

Down 6 pounds this week and continuing to drive the fat bus out of town. I will restart marathon training again in two weeks at a slow pace, Crossfit (modified) at the end of March, and continuing self-defense with USA Combat Jui-Jitsu with Bug until April. Also starting back up with Piloxing next week during two lunches. Other times I am walking which blows. I hate walking in circles. I LOATHE IT. I guess I should be grateful I can walk. When I am 100, (haha) I will be glad if I can still walk on my own. My friend Treva is amazing at 100 and still lives on her own.

My therapist suggested adding in some weight lifting IF I do it the right way, so he is going to work with me on that next week.

Since I had the last morning episode of fake drunkenness, I have not taken any more medications. I got a wrinkled frown from my therapist even though he later said I had to do what works for me and he certainly wasn't going to push drugs. He suggested I speak to the doctor about something else or ask if it was OK to quit them all together. Any excuse to talk to the hot doc, right? When the word "deep tissue massage" came out...I was kinda happy, kinda not.

Photo credit: Pinterest
Deep tissue massages are not fun if you have never had them. The word "massage" is just to fool you into thinking they are the bomb diggety and relaxing. They make me uptight. Picture a Sumo wrestler on your back plunging a crow bar into your weak spots. They hurt, they are miserable, but after a couple days they work miracles and angels sing, the light goes on, and you walk with Jesus. The knot on my left shoulder was about the size of a golf ball and hard pulsating demons. The ones in my neck were hard and when he pushed on them, they actually gagged me so he had to work them out. He could feel the muscles "spasming" as he worked them. Creepy, huh? It's like they are live tissue or something. Blah. I know, I know. I'm alive! I'm alive! However, I think aliens are in there. One thing doesn't look or work like the others.

The right shoulder blade has one as well which needs more work. I thought I was a two-fer, but the therapist said I might have to have 5 or 6 of these types of massages. He was pleased with the progress so far. The traps are much more relaxed, but very tight, still to a point where they don't function with mobility. I'm Frankenstein's daughter.
Photo credit: Pinterest-"MURPHY the koala"

Mr. Therapist said I was a mess and he could tell I had over worked my upper body and lifted improperly over time. Man, I am sure regretting the days I thought I was made of steel. At least, I believe I will avoid surgery for this time and be able to get back into an active lifestyle. I am so excited about being able to move right now. Spirit fingers!

So..who is with me on this challenge?

Yeah. It's silent. Anyone? Anyone?