Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Deck The Halls

I'm starting to feel my age.

Oh, not by the working out thingy because that has always made me feel 25 right after the workout and 80 the day after.

This is what I want for Christmas:

Oregon Scientific Weather Station-Cabela's

I'm pretty sure this is something my 95 year old grandfather would think is pretty cool. I know my dad would have jumped for joy if he had gotten this for Christmas.

Garmin Forerunner GPS watch and tracker-Amazon

Not sure anyone I know would think this watch is pretty cool. 

Now in all seriousness, to me, Christmas is all about being with family and the magic of the time and its Christian meaning. I love electronics and big televisions but I just can't justify anyone spending that. 

The holiday season is not about these nice items above. 

                                                           Photo credit: Pinterest and Fargo

One of the nicest things that happened to me recently was the computer guy at work told me if I trade him some of my trail mix (THANK YOU, MOM!) he will come fix my Sony TV which went out a year ago. 

Or how about the good Sheriff Mike who fixed some things around the house for me and only accepted a home cooked meal. 

See...now that is what it is all about.

We don't do extravagant big things for gifts and these two things would be considered as such. It's about sharing, love, and giving (not necessarily gifts). I already have my Coats for Kids done and a canned food drive where I donated a little. I helped out at the church fund raiser for the Veteran's Homeless Shelter and Vocational Rehab place. Bug always loves to help the fire department with Toys for Tots. I like this too. However, I get so distracted!

I'm going to do my annual goodie baking and taking cookies to Lord Farquaad. Fruit and nut basket to Sheriff Mike-to ward off his sweet tooth which is a deadly combo for him. 

My good friends, Nola and Charlie, always take care of me and Bug and invite us for Thanksgiving. We have been adopted into their family and they are amazing people.  I have made them some homeade salsa, breads, and cakes on occasion. Do you know how awesome it is to have someone take you in when you have no one here to celebrate with and they make you part of their family? It is beyond..."warms my heart."

I bet the people who asked me this question thought I would say a clothing gift card or something girly. 

So anyway, I joined in on the retail circus of bringing the holidays out too soon this year. 

Notice my answer to the Christmas question was not World Peace. I'm not into pageants for Pete's Sake. And how about all that world chaos right now? God Bless the Canadians. 

As for my lovelies who asked what I wanted for Christmas...good thing I didn't tell them I could always use some target load shotgun shells for trap. 

Jingle bells, shotgun shells...

There is no hope for me.

Maybe someday I will be a true princess. 

What do you want for Christmas? Are you going to volunteer or donate to charity?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Dumb and Dummer

When did I become the woman my husband (for the record, number 1) never wanted?

It's a question I know the answer to and most often I don't even think about it anymore. His mother will tell me the same thing as do my friends. Was it because he felt I was more successful than he was in law enforcement? I don't know. That's what his friends and some of his family say.  Not that he wasn't outstanding, because he was an exemplary peace officer until he destroyed his career.

He didn't like the fact we were equals and he took it as a competition. I did not.

Running through a career like an overachiever and a bulldozer is just who I am. Ramrodder. Nobody likes those kind, except a prosecutor when  you bring them good cases and put away the bad guy.

I think it was too much.  I was also gone too much which had a factor on the marriage and being a good mother. He did not treat me right even before those days when I was just a mousy college graduate without a pot to piss in. This is all in the books and has been on the blog many times, so if you are a regular reader, this comes at no surprise.

It's been 6 years since I kicked him out. October 10. Magic date when I broke and could not take the bullshit. Although he told me on September 13, my birthday, he was done...he thought he was going to live in the house until the papers were final. Nope.

So who gives a shit? Not me. It's just a reflection on the past.

I am now Gladys Nightstone (street cred name)  or Gertrude Applebottom ( the name my child thinks I should go by)---a different person. She asked me how I could have told people I was Gladys when my name plate clearly had my real name. I told sometimes people would not even realize it and others would point it out.

BUG: What would you say when they saw your real name?

ME: I told them cops were the same as convenience store clerks or fast food helpers and used fake names because bad guys were always trying to threaten our family.

BUG: Mom, that is dumb.

ME: Bad guys are dumber. Besides, you have to have some fun in the world.

She giggled.

That was a long conversation today. Shortly thereafter she bolted to her room.

The room.

It's a crutch.

How do you take away a teenager's room?

I can't banish her to that place anymore. She likes it.

Do you think teenagers are smart enough for reverse psychology?

Perhaps I sent her there too much in the old days and now she is going to show me.

"Ryn & Son" is no longer a symbol of a family bond, it is a mother movement.

The problem is making up for lost time with the Bug. Many times I feel I am losing ground and the kid classifies me as the MOMster. We certainly aren't the Robertsons.

All I can do is keep plugging on.

One day, I will get her to like to be in the same room as I am for more than 13.58 minutes.

                                                            Photo credit: babble.com

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Dicktionary Challenge

Hellllerrrr~!   Warning---this is not a post my mother should read!

                                        Photo Credit: Fargo, titled-The Nose Knows

Tomorrow is double duty of workouts at work. Then church. Then run. It's overkill. The next day is rest. Let's see what happens to the old bones. Actually, I am looking forward to it. It's like I'm in training or 29.

In the meantime, I have learned some new near south words. Yes, it's the language of love. I am all about being fluent in several language. I seem to be excellent at street slang. I can really stump them. I'm also eloquent with some native tongues.

So without further ado...

feeshing: spelled f-i-s-h-i-n-g--the sport of using a rod and reel to catch a pond dweller mostly for a dinner entrée.

nutsacking: spelled n-u-t-s-a-c-k-i-n-g--(1)the sport of taking your opponent out by tackling and buttheading the nut area. (2) Any shot to the nut sack.

boe: spelled b-o-w-l--a round basin used as a container.

impour  rent: spelled i-m-p-o-r-t-a-n-t (one word)--of great significance like a redneck's dog, truck, or beer.

Let me tell you about a terrible story. I am ashamed. However,  if I say it out loud as a confession, I can then repent.

Bug was mouthy today after work and called her mother a bad word (butthead) twice after I banished her to her room to clean the pigsty whilst taking her phone away. I reacted just as my mother had back in 1979 and grabbed the fancy bar soap off the sink, proceeded to grab Bug and rub the soap in her mouth, making sure to get chunks on her teeth. I don't think it has as much effect as Kirk's Castle, the kind my mom used because it was lavender with poppy seed. If the cops come, I am totally saying it was just as good as frickin' desert. She responded to my actions:

BUG: Oh, good! Give me some more! I like soap! {giggle}

I did as was requested. She laughed again.

ME: Hold on! I will go get the bar soap from the shower that I used on my butt.

BUG: MOM!!!! [screeching and running] You can't do that! [stops running]Hey. You use liquid soap in the shower.

Later after she ate her desert soap and suffered in time out, she joined me downstairs to watch Dancing With The Stars.

ME: Oh. I don't like it. Too jerky. They are slow. They need to speed it up.

BUG: Mom! Shh. The judges like it.

ME: Well, what do they know? They tried to recruit me on the show as a judge but I had to turn them down. I had too many commitments.

BUG: Mom, that is not true. That is bull!

ME: CHILD! Words. Did you learn nothing upstairs? Must I don my soap again?

And even later, I was busy with a project.

BUG: Mom, what are you doing with that stuff?

ME: Oh, it's a prize from my blog. I am just waiting for a couple things and the package will be complete.

BUG: Is the person going to like those things?


Yes, Commchick is going to LURVE it!